You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She even gives head with a lisp.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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