He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
