I wish I could teleport
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
