i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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