I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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