If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
