the day after is always just damage control
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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