Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
