Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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