he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
