i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dick very happy bro
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
