Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
