I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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