My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
