I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
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Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
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she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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