i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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