Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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