Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
