yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Randomize
