I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
