underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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