Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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