The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
