Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
