just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
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Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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