go do what you do best...puke behind churches
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
