I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
