At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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