summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
