I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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