Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
