Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
