Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
