you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
