Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
