Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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