we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
