I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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