I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
