Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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