Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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