Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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