community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found puke in my bra..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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