i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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