i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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