i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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