So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
