I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
