id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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