I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
