when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
