found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
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Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
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Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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