My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
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