you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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