i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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