So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
