I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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