the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
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We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
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Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.