I can tuck mytits in my pants
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
How does one acquire holy water?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest