The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
