I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
