I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
