we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
found the other keg... it's in the tree
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
