i wish semen tasted like chocolate
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
