So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
